Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Breaking the Silence

I know. It’s been awhile. Too long. I’ve been home for about 3 months. Hard to believe. Where did the time go?

I have been thinking alot about what to write, how to say things, how open and honest to be. I could never come to any sort of conclusion, so I just didn’t write anything. I’ve known for two months what the title of this post would be, though.

Alot has happened over the past 3 months. Life has been busy. Liberia seems like it was so long ago. Thoughts constantly swirl around in my head. Inner-battles galore. Don’t get me wrong, the last few months have been great...but they have also been difficult.

I’m tired. I can’t bring myself to fundraise. Some days I feel confused about which end is up. I think...and dream...alot. I utter prayers, and pleas, and try to listen through the noise. I need to get away, to be without distractions, to really yearn, and make myself available to listen to those gentle whispers.

I know the answers won’t be tied up in a pretty package and placed gently on my lap--that’s what this whole faith thing is all about, right?! I know that in the struggles, frustration, heartache and pressing-on...that’s where God speaks, moves and works.

I am ready to be right in the middle of Him.

Now, the most commonly asked question is, “when are you going back?” And my answer, right here and right now, is that I am not exactly sure, but I think it will be sometime in January. This timeframe is bittersweet--I miss Liberia and the kids, I was really hoping to be there for Christmas, but I also know that I am not ready to go back yet. I woke up on Thanksgiving morning and the first thought (thing I heard) was, “wait until January.” I was bummed and disappointed--I wanted to spend Christmas with the kids...experiencing one of the truest meanings of Christmas. But, I know that it’s not in my timing, but in His perfect timing.

I also thought it would be appropriate to break silence with gratitude. Thank you for joining me on this journey! Whether you blog stalk me, pray, give financially, donate undies, send encouraging emails...however you’ve been a part of this, THANK YOU! I sincerely cannot do this without each and every one of you!

Breaking the silence is the most difficult part. Now that the silence is broken, I feel lighter, and this is just the beginning of sharing more with you all soon.

{P.S. For those of you wondering...Jogma and baby Joshua are doing very well! Thanks for your prayers!}


MJGalusha said...

Ashley, I love and respect your honesty. And I admire your willingness to seek, listen and wait. God is never not at work and His plan and purpose is never off track. He is never short of resources and He always has your best and His glory in the mix. Shalom.

Centripetalcycling said...

You came to me in prayer today as my thoughts were drifting in Liberia during a running workout. May God give you the peace and comfort you so desperately need during this Christmas season. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Jeff Olszyk

Centripetalcycling said...

You came to my mind and heart today during my run as my mind was drifting in Liberia. May the Lord give you the peace and rest that you so despearately need during this Christmas season. You and the orphans of Liberiaare in my prayers. Jeff Olszyk